In my years dancing, I have seen a number of mistakes, mostly having to do with one of the most important descriptions of Partner Dancing: mutual awareness. Messing up a dance move is no big deal. It happens all the time for a variety reasons. Dealing with uncertainties (like a move that malfunctioned) is part of the fun. A Good Dancer will think that even mistakes are fun.

Partner Dancing is an exercise in mutual awareness: knowing how movements in your own body affect your partner, how/when/why to change dance partners, knowing what kinds of moves you can do with any particular partner, and performing excellent social dance etiquette.

Remember, Partner Dancing involves an implied agreement to invade the personal space of another person. There are “rules” to how this is done, and Good Dancers are respectful of these rules. The mistakes happen when these implied yet mutually-agreed-upon rules are violated. (By virtue of your attending a social dance and dancing with other people, you are agreeing to engage these rules.)

Man/Woman vs Lead/Follow

In the group classes I teach, I tell several anecdotes about some of the things men do that constitutes mistakes. It’s not that women never exhibit bad behavior – some women do – it’s just that I have seen men being worse about it much more often than I have seen women do the same.

Incidentally, when teaching, I am careful to avoid gender pronouns or discussing the “Man’s” part or the “Woman’s” part. (The roles of Lead and Follow are in and of themselves gender neutral.) However, when I am specific about Men and Women, it usually involves anecdotes about behavior at social dances or on the dance floor.

Male Egos on the Dance Floor

I’m sure every female professional ballroom dancer can tell numerous stories about dancing with some man who proceeded to tell her (a professional dancer and teacher herself) how to dance. I rarely – though sometimes – see the reverse case, where a woman tells a male pro how he should dance.

Men, not only is that rude, presumptuous, and chauvinistic to assume you know more than your partner, it means you will be the topic of an anecdote in class or an entire article at some point.

Just because you have never met a particular woman before doesn’t mean that she is a new dancer, nor does it mean that she wants you to teach her anything even if she is.

My professional partner, Sarah Calhoun, as well as many female pros, definitely use these personal experience when teaching their own classes as examples for the men of what not to do.

Why men might behave this way is the topic of numerous books and even complete fields of study. Suffice it to say that I see it regularly with ballroom-dancing males, and I find it distasteful and disrespectful.

Check Yourself!

Men, it is easy to stand apart from the less respectful (or outright disrespectful) men – all you have to do is avoid being cocky! When you do begin feeling that inflated sense of egotistical pride, go some place (a social dance in another city, a competition, a more difficult class) and get your humility back.

Men, don’t get me wrong. It is still appropriate to take pride in what you know. It is appropriate to feel good about your dancing. Dancing is an enjoyable, expressive activity. Be proud! Definitely!

Remember humility as you dance with — not at — your partner! Be aware of your partner, and how he or she is reacting to you. With that mutual awareness, great dancing can emerge!